#45 — How to Reboot Your Relationship in 90 Minutes

A Better Way to Check in Than ‘How Are You’

Why observations are more powerful than questions

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The staring contest (five minutes)

Set a timer for two minutes. Sit across from each other and stare into each other’s eyes without breaking eye contact. Afterward, share any feelings or realizations that came up for you during the exercise.

The roller coaster (20 minutes)

Set the timer for 10 minutes and have one person describe one of their highest moments of 2020 and one of their lowest moments. The other person should only listen, and make sure not to interrupt or add details or comments. Then switch.

Clearing (30 minutes)

Set a timer for 15 minutes. Sit across from each other and have one partner finish each of these statements as many times as they can:

The seven-second kiss and the 15-second hug (under a minute)

Do this: Kiss for seven seconds and hug for 15 seconds. Repeat if so desired.

Make your ask (30 minutes)

If this year has taught me anything, it’s that I have to ask for exactly what I want. If I want an hour alone in the house to take a bath, I have to ask for it. If I feel nervous about social distancing with our families, I have to clearly state what I need. This is difficult, even more so now, when the options and resources are so limited.

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